What do you mean, "How am I going to party?"

My 30th birthday is one month from today; and approximately one month ago I quit drinking. At first, I was very confused and uneasy. Alcohol helped me deal with people and anxiety. It helped bring out the old me everyone expected. The problem was alcohol, also, helped me lose sight of the post accident Sheila, the girl who is still figuring out who she is now.

Anyways, back to my birthday...my friends and I were out to dinner earlier this week and someone asked, "How are you going to party?" to my statement of "I'm not going to drink at my birthday party either. I QUIT drinking, which means I don't take a time-out and drink on my birthday."

I let the question go at the time, but when I got home I couldn't let the question go. How was I going to party at my birthday? What fun is it going to be if I don't drink? No shots? Uh? I had a lot to figure out in the next few weeks. Can I have fun without drinking? Is there a substitute? Should I take a break for just one night? Do I want that depressed hell the next day? I am 30 only once afterall.....hmmmm.