It's back

The pain that someone you love just hurt you deeply. A best friend abandoned you. You ran over the cute little gray bunny. They died and left you behind. She is know longer there for you when you need her most. The pain that you just can't do it all on your own. The overwhelming pain. The one that reminds you that you are alone. You are in charge of you...and your house, and your dog, and your car, and going to work, and, and, and....

Setbacks. Reminders. I'm not fixed yet. I can't do it alone.

Setbacks? or fears?

I get so close. Yet, when I do really well, I get scared that people think I am cured. They think I don't need any help or support or concern. I start to feel abandoned and alone. Fear.

The overwhelming out-of-place sensation at work is encouraging the above, I think...maybe. Work the last 3 weeks has definitely put me on edge. I need to climb back on my rock and gain a little ground.

My evils: It is hard to say if PTSD is feeding the edginess at work right now or vice-versa, but either way both are shredding my insides. I just want to sleep. I've resorted back to little blue pill called Lunesta.