Five AM and not a bad start to a Monday, my first day of my first year officially over 30: a Starbuck's giftcard from Kristan, an 8 layer cake from Jon (God bless his soul for aiming for 31 layers), a Happy Birthday IM from Alex at midnight, and a countdown of text messages from Michele my belle.
Oh, I can't forget an email from my favorite band, Cowboy Mouth and a birthday coupon for SHOES! LoL
A decompression stop is a period of time a diver must spend at a constant depth in shallow water at the end of a dive to safely eliminate absorbed inert gases from the diver's body to avoid decompression sickness
I'm still flying high from one of the best weekends of my life. I think I could write an entire book about 24 hrs of my life. It was simply amazing how it has affected me and how great I feel. I don't think anything could take this sense of self and happiness away from me.
Friday night, the whirl wind weekend began. I went up to The Phoenix, a local bar, where my friends' band, The Real Me, was playing and my outlaw (ex-MIL), Sharon, was celebrating her birthday. All my ex-in-laws and associated friends were there dancing and having a great time. It was great to see so many faces from the past. And, of course, Chris and Lisa were there. Tonight was different though. Instead of Lisa and I dancing the night away like we always do and Chris occassionally joining in. It was Chris and I dancing...kinda like old times. A nice remembrance for my 30th birthday weekend. I didn't speak. I listened. He told it would be ok. I have made it this far on my own. Thirty would be better...and he is still there for me. He said it may not seem like it sometimes, but he is still one of my best friends. He is not going anywhere. He still loves me and will take care of me. I am safe. In my place in life, even from my ex-husband, that is all I need to hear....from him, the most sometimes, it is exactly what I need to hear. Letting go of Chris was/is hard for me. He was the person who new me best, who still knows me best. He knows my weaknesses. He knows the real me.
We both know we were not meant to be married to each other, but friendship is a definite. Neither one of us would be who we are without the other. Ten years is hard to replace. Ten years together can never be replaced, nor do I ever want it to be. I smile knowing he doesn't either. I can't ever replace my first love, or one of my best friends.
Isn't that right, Chris!
PS. Not only did I keep Chris in my life, he has found and given me a great friend in his girlfriend, Lisa. I may sound like a broken record but she is one of the most caring and fun people I have every met. She is just as important in my life now as Chris is (more so sometimes)...gotta stand by that girl-power. Love you, Lisa!
A new age has begun...and I have not been happier in a long time. I know I haven't had much to say lately but with my new age, I have turned over a new mood...HAPPINESS. Watch out, World, here is a smile you were not ready for. Despite some things in life that may not be going my way at the moment, I am feeling pretty invincible. Twenty-nine dealt me a rough hand and I'm not going to let thirty do the same. This decade I will be in control.
Look for more writing. I have a lot to say. I even think I might start sharing a pic here and there for the strangers in the dark to get to know me a bit. One step at a time though, can't do it all at once.
And to my new friend, Erin, hang in there. I've had a busy weekend, but I'm still here for you ;)
I remember thinking when I was younger I would never live this long. I thought for sure I would die before I would reach my twenties. Now I sit here, a week from my 30th birthday wondering, "Now what?"
I would ask for a map for my birthday, but I already have several (and they are never in my car where I really could use them). Although, I am sure the road maps I own right now have their purposes, I am not sure they would provide me the direction I am currently looking for. I am scared, for one, to change directions. And secondly, I'm not quite sure I know where I want to go. If I ever change directions, is it ok to do so blindly? I made it this far without a plan...I never thought I would make it this far in life. I guess now is as good time as ever to hit reset and try it all again. No marriage. No children (just some furballs). Just me, and me alone.
Today was tough and in 10 minutes I can finally put it all behind me and start anew. The bad part is...I am still sitting at work. I am taking a quick break with a cup of hot tea to warm up. Burrrrr, it is cold here.
I didn't sleep last night due to migraine. I should've just gave in and drove myself to the hospital, but I always think if I can just wait it out just a little bit longer I will fall asleep and sleep it off. Nope. Nada.
Fast forward to noonish...I sit down at my desk. The owner of my company asks if I have time to talk, of course, I do. Let me just say the talk was not a good one, it was one of those where I wonder if I will have a job next week. The talk, also, caused the throbbing in my head to grow. If I could only go home and disappear. I felt so alone and isolated today. I couldn't talk to anyone about how awful I was feeling for fear I would break down in tears, nor was work really the place to talk about work. I've only been out of here for an hour since 12:30 today, not good.
Alex's day was about the same, which makes me wonder what the moon looks like outside tonight. Hmmm? By the time I hung up the phone with Alex though, I did have a smile on my face, so kudos to Alex. Also, a gold star to Dr. DD for making me leave with a smile as usual too. I needed the extra pats on the back today.
I, also, need to apologize to Jason "you let me shave your head" Jason. Happy Birthday! and I'm sorry I missed your party tonight.
My Dad's 50th birthday is coming up in a couple weeks. If you know my dad, you would agree he is one of the most fun people to hang around. For his birthday, I decided to start a blog with all the funny dad stories I can think of...and there are many, trust me. Here is the blog address http://50effanyears.blogspot.com/ Please check back often, because I hope to be working on it around the clock.
And, Dad, if you find this,
"Happy 50th Birthday! You're the best!"
"PS. According to Sharon, who is older than you, you're not old 'til you're 92."
