Bummed

Sometimes I can't be the accomodating one...I'm always the accomodating one.

I worked until 7pm last night. I add that up to about 30 hours too many. I know this is not the fault of my friends, but my plans were set over a month ago. I suggested they join me and the others the minute they mentioned we get together tonight, but no, not good enough.

One couple is in town with a big announcement from San Diego; the other is recently engaged, in St. Louis. Both couples include two of my best friends from high school. It is tough to the point of tears for me not just agreeing to just blow off my other plans and meet the four of them...and catch up with the others as I have time, but I am tired and frustrated. I am sure the four of them think I am unreasonable because I am single and just a lonely singleton who won't just agree to their plans...but I just can't do it any more. I really think I might crack with any additional stress this week.

The week has been really long and I cannot handle any changes right now. I just want to stick with the plan in my head and go with it. I am really tired. I know the drive to Westport. I know the restaurant/bar, Trainwreck, well, so all the comfort zones are there. If I go somewhere new, I won't be at ease and my night will be pretty much spent with me feeling tight as rubber bands because I am some place new and unfamiliar. As it is, I am not sure how I will do with the group as a whole anyways. Becky is ok, because it is Becky and I see her and talk to her all the time. The others don't sit in my everyday zone, so I don't know how at ease or not I will be with them all. It is hard to say and think that someone I am so close to can seem so distant to me at times, but that is Social Anxiety disorder for you, compliments of PTSD. I want to say it is better, but every time I do I get put back into a situation like last Friday where I feel super out of place and just want to leave. Hmmm. The devils. As it is, I won't be able to eat tonight wherever I go, so I, at least, want to go somewhere where I won't feel like should be chewing Zantac instead of bubblegum. I just wish they could understand, but then, again, I don't wish these constant feelings on anyone. I may seem fine, but I'M A FREAK and a overall happy one at that if I get my way tonight. Therefore, I am going to the Trainwreck and not drinking a drop and singing my out-of-tune butt off to Loud Mouth Soup.....And if that doesn't make you cover your ears and die laughing, nothing will. I'll be the one with droopy tired eyes, molesting the guys on stage because I can, not because I want to or they want me to. Have a great evening. Cheers.