...and everything changes

I have survived over a month without my covenanted green fairy (alcohol for the newbies). I've been doing great and feeling great about it. If there will ever be a challenge of my will tonight will be it. My cousin, Jager, has been calling my name all day.

In my head, I think of the people who keep congratulating me on quitting and who keep hugging me telling me how proud they are. Then, I think about how much easier the things going through my head would be to take with a little relaxing help from cousin Jager or uncle Tequila. Answers there are, ask Yoda!

This week has been so challenging and today just made it even worse. The results being exactly as I expected and had been preparing myself for all week. The depression side of things has made an ugly appearance again. The lonely feeling that no one will ever be able to fill, the deep dark hole. The pit in my stomach is making it hard to eat and drink. The dark hole/pit just consumes every moment making me feel so alone, which I am. I am.

I can't wait until my trip next weekend to KC. A whole weekend road trip with the guys to go see Emily, Rev. Joe and Tracy. A weekend surrounded 24/7 by friends, no escaping, no cancelling (they will carry me out kicking and screaming if they need to). It is good to have friends. I need to go see Geoff-geoff too. He just needs to send a ticket so I can't cancel on him either (hint, hint, Geoff, Marc/Lynne/Mike, etc).

Back to the title, I feel today is the official beginning of a some changes in some of my friendships. I hope I'm wrong, but only time will tell.

....sad, so sad. It was bad, so bad. It was sad when the great ship went down.