Posts of Late

I have been pretty lost in my own head lately and not in the mood to write. When I do write, it doesn't seem to fit my blog or what it used to be when I started it. The writing seems blah and of no interest to me, so I doubt it will be to anyone else. I posted a few things, but none really seem of much consequence. I can't decide if I am disenchanted with the world, or bothered so much that the world seems disenchanted with me. I keep trying to forge ahead, but my defense mechanisms are failing me and I'm lacking self enough right now to react. Some times I want to throw in the towel and go back to some place where I knew where I stood. I thought I had made a lot of new friends this year, only to have that carpet ripped out from underneath me. I wanted this year to be a fresh start and new beginning. I try to peddle forward, but I seem to be rolling downhill at a steady pace. Overall mentally, I feel better and more sure about myself and my head in comparison to last year, but I no longer have the same strong core of people around me daily that I always knew I could trust. I thought I was building a new one, but two weeks ago I awaken to the reality that it was all in my head. Grrr, my head.