Apr 5, 2007

More than a key...

Drinking - water to stay thin or is it to purify...
Vomiting. Rocks of scar tissue. Scars on my stomach. Scars in my mind. Scars, scars, scars. Pills I take every day. Toxic support? Chemical sanity? Help. Assistance. Annoying. Pills labeling me, reminding me I'm not ok. Something is wrong with me. I am doing everything I can to fix me, but I didn't choose this. I didn't break me. I just want to be me again (whoever that is).

But theres no - no real truce with my fury you don't have to believe me...
I hurt.
I get upset. I lash back. I am just protecting my heart.

You have - broken through my armour and I don't have an answer...

You constantly ask me questions. I want to answer you. I just can't verbalize everything that is in my head and in my heart. I wish you could understand and just feel what you've always felt. There are a lot of things I could follow this with, but I'm so confused I don't know which way to go: i guess nothing will ever be the same or all good things in time. Forward progress is mandatory in my life right now. I am just clueless as to where I'm progressing to.

I paint - the things I want to see but it don't come easy...

I am constantly trying to put aside the things that are stabbing at my heart and my sanity. I hold on to the smallest, happiest moments to remind myself how much you care and how much you did love me. Every tear wiped from my cheek, hair brushed from my face, hug where you pulled me in tighter and held me longer, reminisce about our good times...our time.

Think I'm - lost amongst the undergrowth so much so I woke up...
I open my eyes. I want to see you. Some things are clearer now. I am not perfect. I never will be. I know I have things to work on, but my heart still wants you.

But you stole the the sun from my heart...
What little was left of me, you placed in a bag in my car while I sleeping upstairs. I think someone crushed my chest when I opened my car door. Nothing was fixed that night, but the tears eventually turned to laughter and smiles, and I found my friend.

I have - Ive got to stop smiling it gives the wrong impression...

I tried to leave and not look at the remote on the counter. I tried to hug you goodbye without tearing up over the keyring in my hand, one key shy from when I entered. The last little things letting me know I still had a place in your heart...gone.

Lyrics: "You stole the sun from my heart" by the Manic Street Preachers aka MSP

Ciaran, thank you for sharing your song, even though I kinda stole it for this use. I bet your surprised I still listen. Please don't ever pull a Richey. I need all the friends I can get. ~shel~

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