Down to one hand

...I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight...

I'm looking at the calendar, reading my old blog and journal entries, and realizing that I can count a year's worth of my stupid, binge alcohol nights all on one hand. The fight isn't over, but it is easier.

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I wish the anxiety would just go away forever. I think, then, I could finally forget about having a drink in uneasy situations. The difference now is that I get the itchiness, the uncomfortable anxious feeling, and occasionally let myself have a drink, just one. The one drink doesn't take away the itch, but it does leave me feeling more depressed for a few days afterwards. I have to say drinking is officially ruined for me. The cravings are still present on the bad days and moments, but, then, the debate in my head begins...is it worth it, do I really want this, the next few days....

Lyrics from "Hate Me Today" by Blue October